Film Review: "loudQUIETloud: A documentary on the Pixies" (2006)

Bored at work and revelling in Pitchfork.tv, I couldn't help but check out the Pixies documentary and thus decided to live blog it.

Closing my eyelids!:

There is something so bizarre about seeing Kim Deal ask someone for an i-pod so she can re-learn "Hey!" Since the demise of the Pixies, the drummer became a magician. Magicians, apparently, make no money. He is very very happy that the Pixies reunited. Joey Santiago, the second guitarist, likes to play embarrassingly unattended instores... as a second guitarist for an unknown musician. He uses his wife's pregnancy as leverage to make the Pixies reunion happen. The passion! Watching the Deals (Kelley is along for the ride and some kind of associate producer of the movie) is like watching the most boring ever version of Keeping up with the Kardasians. Frank Black's pathetic-but-existent solo career, when viewed in tandem with the other member's post Pixies outfits, proves it only pays to be the singer/songwriter, no matter how hefty.

Mrs. Deal thinks Kim Deal needs something to do and hopes the Pixies will keep her off the streets (or at least, get out of bed). I think it's unfair that Kim Deal gets to drink non-alcoholic beer in front of the band but the band doesn't get to drink alcoholic beer in front of her. Does that make sense?

They jump from first rehearsal to the first show in roughly ten minutes. This gives me the impression that practice didn't go smoothly. They also don't value their fans very much: when Kim is nervous before their first comeback show Frank assures her the audience won't care, it's "just a warm up show." Their first song back, "U-Mass" sounds good although from the look on Joey Santiago's face he misses the coffee shop in the back of the Virgin Mega Store.

Kim Deal seems genuinely surprised at the reception they receive which is nice, except that they obviously did this with money in mind (see above). When Frank Black talks about the shows selling out quickly and how quick sell outs quelled his nervousness you could practically see the dollar signs in his eyes.

When Kelley Deal hits the streets outside a Pixie concert did they edit out everyone thinking it was Kim Deal or did no one actually know what she looks like? They are not kidding when they say they barely speak to each other either: their backstage hang outs look about as fun as sitting on a bike without a seat. Oh and there is Frank Black topless again. This time topless and spouting motivational sayings to himself.

The drummer's dad gets sick and dies and this leads to the movie's tension. It's presented with the subtlety of a football to the groin. The inexplicable montage of geysers gushing over "In Heaven" is unforgivable. The drummer pisses everyone off by being upset about his father. I don't blame the band, his emotional problems manifest in weird ways. For example, like playing the drums for a good minute after the rest of the band has put down their instruments in front of a bored sell out crowd.

Joey, the band's second guitarist wins the prize for sad sack band member. Watching him talk to his kids and wife on his MacBook makes me happy to be sitting in a basement, making fun of guitarists for seminal rock bands.

The chapter labeled "post show intervention" is marginally more exciting than dying. Kim Deal tells the drummer, who is so attached to his headphones I'm shocked he didn't get an iPod sponsorship deal, that Valium is really addictive. Frank Black tells him he should see a therapist and not just for the drugs. Moments later, the screen flashes some text about the drummer not using drugs for the sake of the band. Is it wrong to wish he kept doing drugs so I didn't have to watch Frank Black and his family going to the aquarium? This documentary has me questioning my deterioting moral values for the sake of being entertained.

No matter how ridiculous Kim Deal sounds, I always like her. The opposite goes for the rest of the band. They hover over the topic of a new Pixies album and the bottom line is clearly that Frank Black doesn't wanna share his boring Adult Contemporary jams with the band. It also seems like no one wants to speak up and organize the band. Maybe the weirdest band relationship ever. When they play their final show a brief montage of the vintage Pixies came up and I wondered why there wasn't more of such footage.

Admittedly, as someone who doesn't love the Pixies, I was impressed by how bland and easy to listen to their songs are, which definitely speaks to their influence. I also wondered why none of the band talked about the band, which is by far the most interesting part of these people's lives. Do they still love these songs? Why can't they just speak to each other? How awkward does it sound when Frank tells Joey to "rock it" before the solo in "Monkey Gone to Heaven"?

This documentary answers only one of the above questions.