Nervous Breakdown Review: Joaquin Phoenix

Joaquin (pronounced JOE-QUAN), 

Sorry to hear about your bro.  Not about his death: the millennium would have been a drag for him, so he dodged a bullet.  What I'm really referring to is the fact that you are seriously tarnishing what could have been a brand name in Hollywood (if reproduction was in your future).  I like you, I always have.  When you look your worst, you look like young Greg Dulli at his best, which will get you at least a cup of coffee where I'm from.  You added a homoerotic charisma to Gladiator, you played the neutered brother in Inventing the Abbotts and according to IMDB, you played Johnny Cash in a movie called Walk the Line.  All good solid roles that had nothing to do with M. Night Whatshisface.  I always thought you were kind of lazy and that if you tried a little harder and choose some better movies you could have been a Heath Ledger or an Anthony LaPaglia.  But you quit acting to pursue a career in music.  

I caught a sneak preview of your new hip hop songs as evidenced here:

Homeboy you are losing your mind!  Now on your best day you look like Jerry Garcia at his worst. And I don't like that. I actually pray someone sends your agent a script by M. Night Whatshisname that teams you up with Mark Wahlberg just to get you out of this funk.  Where are your parents? Girlfriends? You are going to be playing the Gary Busey role in an episode of Entourage in the future if you aren't careful. 

I wish you well and pray that no one lets you near a recording studio. 

Cheers, 

T.G. Siblog